Sad , tired and horney. heehee

Its been afew months since i have had some lovin. Its wearing on me that i seem to be sick whenever the ability arises.. That or so crisis.

Loosing matthew back in november really took alot out of me. Almost as much as scott moving out.

holidays sucked. part of me wishes for the constant of before... but i was unhappy then too. Today i lost my temper with scott when he came over because i sent him to the store for some medicine i needed.. and he simply bought what was on sale and i have never taken it. cant take it.. doesnt even work the same. I yelled at him.

I wanted to scream and shove and smack him for it. WHY???? why do i always feel so violent around him?

its so not cool.

but i miss the cuddles.. the well.. the way i could be "taken care of" physically when i needed it.  But all in all.

alot of my life has gotten sweeter. I just wish so much of this was out in the open so i didnt feel like a dirty little secret.

I miss being held at night while i sleep and i miss being part of a family. glad i have my clan.

m

no im not in a pythonish mood.. just couldnt think of anything clever .

 We got our refinance done and now i am looking for ways to spend it!  most bang for the buck dont ya know.

and i have to spend it fast before scott finds a car he wants and takes too much of it for that!!

summer looks like it will be a scorcher. booooo. hope not.  please no. lol.

well off to water and food .. doing good on program. started at 302lbs and im down to 267. woot.

tah!

may

i hate hate hate being sick!

I avoid it whenever possible,and im not trying to be a wuss. If you only knew.

ya see.. When ya get the flu and your body aches... thats inflammation.  well what happens if you already battle inflammation every stinking day. Yup hours and hours of painful inflammation. your joints, tendons, muscles, skin.. everything hurts.  well ya get the flu and KABOOM it fucking is agony!!!  Fibromyalgia sucks! partner that with rheumatoid arthritis and neuropathy from a few car accidents etc.. and life is hell in flu season.

not to mention that the coughing fits tear the tendons and ligaments that hold your sterum and ribs together..

i know. whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.. but it does hurt. and im venting. deal with it.

sure wish we had that spa finally... slip into the warm bubbly water... with a cup of something spiked.. and just relax... ahhhh how nice would that be>?

ok cold pills must be kicking in. i just drooled.

ha! happy new year to all my one fans.

m